


Resonate

by NoblewomanMM



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 22:52:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3546764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoblewomanMM/pseuds/NoblewomanMM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanae von Rosewald’s main goal in life is to make the depressed Tsukiyama Shuu back into the man he used to be, before Kaneki Ken. With the devastating news that Kaneki Ken is back, in the form of a new man named Haise Sasaki, Kanae grasps at any plan that will rid him of Haise for good and to claim his Master for himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Fated Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Issue with depression will be addressed in this story.
> 
>  
> 
> This is posted on other sites and is still me.

Kanae

Kanae von Rosewald sat in the dark parlor of the Tsukiyama mansion. Like many days in the past two years Master Shuu laid in bed, with not even the will to get up. The master of the house used to be so lively, Kanae did not understand how one uncouth ruffian could break down such a strong, beautiful, and powerful man to something so fragile. He was afraid Tsukiyama would break upon moving. His master finally showed signs of comprehension and slight recovery. And now he was back? That horrid guinea pig came with the god-awful undergarments in her hand and now he was even worse off than he had been last week. His fist balled up as he felt his body tense. The purple haired man wanted so badly to unleash his anger, but he knew that a true gentleman would never punch a wall as he felt compelled to. Letting out a sigh, he sunk back into his chair, feeling defeated.  
“If it wasn’t for Kaneki, such a hideous name too,” he muttered, “I would still be loved.” The butler’s heart dropped into his chest. He knew that some of his hatred was fueled by pure jealousy, as that man had stolen all of the attention his master had ever given to him. In fact, every single morning, when Kanae had helped pick out his outfits, prior to Kaneki, Master Shuu would dote on him. He would tell him how fashionable and refined he was. The man even taught the butler the best way to cook the food they had to eat. Kanae did his best to please him with these extravagant meals and was always quick to bring him his dinner in the library so he could eat surrounded by his books. But as his master became more obsessed with the half-ghoul, the more he would talk about the commoner. Kanae thought his obsession would pass, but it only grew stronger. In fact, the master began to not return home. The butler would sit there, an intricate dinner on the table, waiting for a master who didn’t even come home. Kanae strive for perfection in every way, just to please Master Shuu. So why was he the left in the dark?  
The more he thought about it, the more rage rose inside of Kanae as he thought of the boor who had been ‘reborn’ into a CCG member. As if there was anything more disgusting in Tokyo. As he pondered over this he knew he had found the answer to his problems. If ‘Haise’ were to disappear, then perhaps his master would become his again. They would once again share times in this very parlor gossiping about others and joke with each other over a hot oven as they cooked up the latest dish, and he could once again see the smile on his face when he accomplished a task right. Yes, that CCG dog had to go.

Haise

The CCG member took a deep breath as he reminded himself, “I’m in my room. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong.” Lately, Haise had been awoken nearly every night with disturbing dreams that broke him into a cold sweat. Several times he had been roused due to tears streaming down his face, but as soon as he was aware of surroundings he felt no emotion other than pure confusion to why he wept. Often times he did not remember his dreams or their content, but every once and while he had a warm comforting dream. Those dreams were different; he always slept calmly through the night and rose beaming. All of the dreams that made him feel this way had one commonality: a purple haired man. In the dreams he felt protected, safe. A part of him just wished he would appear in the night terrors to shelter him as well.  
Haise glanced at the clock, the red light beamed back at him: 5 am. Despite the clock declaring such an early time, he had no intensions of going back to sleep for fear of more bad dreams. Instead, he did what he always did when he could no longer force himself to sleep. He read the Hanged Man Macguffin. Realistically speaking, he knew such a book shouldn’t comfort him. After all, it was a collection of stories about inmates on death row. Nothing outwardly seemed calming about such a story, but oddly enough even the weight of the book felt soothing and nostalgic to him. With ease he faded into the story written by one of his favorite authors.  
~  
It only felt like mere seconds later when he heard the typical commotion from his teammates outside the room. He grinned sheepishly as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He had fallen asleep with the book propped up on his lap. This was not uncommon for him. Smiling he put a small clover bookmark into the open page and threw his feet over the side of the bed. Stumbling a little to regain his balance, he quickly dressed, only briefly glancing in the mirror to try to tame his naturally unruly hair. With that, he opened the door to start his day.  
“Good morning,” Haise directed to the three situated around the room.  
As per usual, the three were sitting in a very precise way. Mutsuki was sitting alone on the couch closest to his bedroom door. Upon his greeting he cheerfully replied, “Good Morning, Sasaki-san!” On the other side of the room sat Urie and close to his side was Ginshi.   
“Yo.” Ginshi’s typical morning remark was followed by the Urie traditional response, silence and complete apathy.  
“What the agenda today, Sasaki-san?” the lone, talkative member asked. At this point, Urie finally glanced over, only long enough to meet Haise’s own grey eyes.  
Giving the team a half-smile, he ruffled his hair at the back of his neck. “Well, actually we finally have a day off.” They had a long assignment on a particular ghoul that had been terrorizing the seventh ward lately, thankfully it had finally been cleared up. By the end of it, it seemed like they all needed a break. Even Haise, who was normally a pretty motivated individual was beginning to tire ever so slightly. “You are all welcome to do as you wish. I am going to the bookstore. I have been planning on collecting books by this author called Taksuki Sen. I currently only have one of her books, but her writing is phenomenal. It is so vague, but it has this delicacy to it. I’m unsure how I have lived this long without coming across her first.” Realizing he had been rambling about his books again, he found himself blushing as he remarked, “Then after that, I am planning on café hopping.” Giving an earnest smile, he offered his plans out to the others.  
“Actually, I think I am going to stay inside and rest. “ Mutsuki politely declined. Ginshi merely shook his head, Urie remained silent.  
Nodding, he turned towards the door, waving his hand to signal a good bye as he called over his shoulder, “Tell Saiko I said goodbye!” Haise heard Urie mutter as he closed the door, “as if she’d leave her room.”  
The cool autumn air sooth any feelings he had about this morning, as he made his way to the local book store.

Kanae

Peeking into the dark room Kanae called over to person who felt like less of a man and more akin to a phantom with each passing day. “Master Shuu, I am going out to run some errands.” No response came. “Would you like me to get you anything? I could go to the bookstore, or perhaps that boutique you always went to? I know your style and sizes.” Kanae awaited eyes closed, only a small mumbled ‘no, thank you Kanae’ came from the dark abyss of the room. Despite the gloom his response casted over him, Kanae kept up his normal gentlemanly tone replying, “Well, if I see anything I’ll pick it up. After all, you’ll need something for your reappearance.” Without another word he bid Tsukiyama his adieu and closed the door.  
With the door closed he allowed himself to feel dismay. Closing his eyes he leaned against the door, letting out a huge sigh. “I’ll bring you back from the dead, Master Shuu,” he whispered to himself.  
His quest was to find that dreadful pet. She frequented cafés taking pictures of random strangers. The thought of that woman doing that without permission made him shudder a bit. Kanae never knew where a person of her lowly stature could be slinking around and would pop up next. But he was positive if he spent a long enough time in one of the local cafes she would pop her nose in, like the little mouse she was.   
The day was the rainy sort that started out nice, but eventually poured. The rain drenched all the surroundings, and mimicked his feelings as he finally found the perfect café, pleasantly named the Caged Bird, to spend his afternoon enjoying his coffee while waiting for the human. The place looked cozy and relatively high class: a man like him would not appear out of place. The interior was made of a dark mahogany, dimmed lights, and plush seating. An entire wall was taken up by bookcases, filled with books of many shapes, sizes and ages. It seemed like a place Master Shuu would frequent.  
Kanae settled himself in a corner chair void of windows, with only enough light flowing from the rainy day so that he could read the book he brought with him, “Sorrows of a Young Werther”. A comely waitress with an astoundingly less than average smell came over to take his order. Her uniform was dirty and her hair was completely unkempt. It looked to the purple haired man as if she did not even look in the mirror that morning. Living in the Tsukiyama household he quickly learned nothing was viler than a disheveled human like her.  
Giving her his best smile, despite his building disgust, he kindly replied, “Black coffee, please. And may I add, sie sehen heute schön aus.” The girl looked back at him confused with her big squirrely eyes, how repulsive. Despite the loathing he felt for this disgrace of a lady (if she could even be called that) he had to maintain the good name of the Tsukiyama household. “It means, you look beautiful today, miss.”  
“Oh,” the girl said blushing trying to cover her face with the café menu. “Thank you, sir.” With that, she scurried off to gossip with her co-workers. Kanae could hear them laughing, giggling and teasing the plain girl in the back as he settled into his book. Several minutes later, he saw from the corner of his eye, the same girl be shoved out the door by an over eager co-worker. Kanae secretly eyed her as she stumbled over to the corner, the porcelain coffee cup shaking in her hands as if she were walking through an earthquake.  
As she set the cup down on the table, the hot contents slashed up. A few dots stained the old book he brought from the Tsukiyama library. How dare this ignorant girl ruin something owned by the household for generations? This sent the girl into a whirlwind of apologizes and her towel whipping up the mess she had made.  
In a swift motion, he grabbed the girls’ hand to halt the frantic cleaning. He heard the girls peeking around the door squeal at the sight of his gentle tough. “Please be calm, dear. Stains are not permanent, nor should that worried look on your face be.” He had learned a lot from Master Shuu, and time to time he put it to work. In this case, it kept him from exploding in anger. The girl blushed at him and looked in awe for several seconds, as if he had saved her from inevitable death. It was the most repulsive thing he had witnessed since the underwear of another man showed up his house in the hands of Chie.  
The waitress bowed her head, stammering like a lying child, “Th-Thank you, sir. I- I- I am grateful for your forgiveness.” With that she fled off to gossip with her fellow girls once more.  
“How unlike you, Kanae.” A voice from behind him called. He quickly identified the voice, Chie. The butler knew that the little mouse would crawl in. She moved into his vision and took the seat across from him. How audacious.  
“I don’t know what you are talking about, a man of the Tsukiyama house is always a gentleman in public.” He retorted with a cold gaze leering over his book.  
She studied him for several long moments before stating, “You just work there.”  
He bookmarked his book and set it down on the table with a mildly loud thump. Glaring at her he remarked, “You’re testing my patience, mouse. I just came here, on Master Shuu’s behalf, to make sure you completely understood how unneeded the presence of anything owned by or any information about this Heisse creature. Do you comprehend my words? If you show up at all, I am not afraid to make you disappear, even at the displeasure of my master.”  
She blinked at Kanae several times before opening her mouth once again. “I don’t understand why you feel the need to repeat yourself.” Chie looked up as if she was thinking very hard about something, “It feels a little bit like a waste of time doesn’t it?”  
What a nuisance. “I was just making sure I was clear.”  
“You were as clear as day the first time.” She said cheerfully. Raising his eyebrow, the man commented, “Does that mean you have agreed not to do it again?”  
“Oh, it does not mean anything like the sort. I just did not want to hear your speech again.” There was no getting through to this girl, Kanae decided. He would have to somehow take care of the situation himself. Letting out a sigh, he cast one more glare at the mouse before him. “Just stay away from Master Shuu.” With the last look, he swallowed up the rest of his coffee, placed his book in his bag, and left the money for the coffee as well as a small tip on the table. Kanae turned away from the girl without a goodbye and proceeded to the door.  
The purple haired man readied his umbrella as he reached for the door. However, just as his hand reached the brass nob, the door flew open, and a young boy scampered in to escape the rain. As the man turned into the café, a stack full of books shot out of his hands and fell with a bang on the floor, one of them hitting Kanae’s shoes. Slightly annoyed by the day as a whole, he picked it up the book with disdain. He was kneeling on the ground looking up at the repentant boy when he realized he knew that scent. This was the smell of the bane of his existence, “Haise Sasaki”, also known as Kaneki. The boy was smaller than he thought he would be, rather tiny for a man of his age. His white and black disheveled hair was drenched from the rain. Overall, the boy looked like a complete mess.  
It was at this moment he realized, if he played his cards right his plan could come together. “It seems you forgot your umbrella. Please, take mine.” And with that the man walked out the door before the other man could say no. He walked back to the Tsukiyama household with a smirk on his face.

Haise

The boy did not realize how much time he had spent in the bookshop until the clerk apologized that they would be closing soon. By the time he reached the cashier, his stack of books was at least six books high, almost high enough to block his vision.  
“It’s refreshing to see a young man who still loves all types of literature,” the old man remarked as he slowly scanned all the chosen books. Haise smiled back at the man as he received his treasure for the day and opened the door to the outside world. To his dismay, the rain was pouring down. Panicked that his books would be ruined, he fled to the first open place that would allow him to enter, a café called the Caged Bird. Upon entering he tripped scattering his books across the room, causing a loud commotion. Even worse, they landed on a man’s feet. The man was kind enough to pick up the book near him and what seemed like out of nowhere for Haise, the man offered his umbrella and continued on his way.  
“Sir, you will need this yourself.” But by the time all the words had come out the man had shut the door behind him. It was not until he turned to attempt to give the umbrella back he actually got a minor glimpse of the man. Instantly, the purple hair took him by shock. He stood motionless there for what felt like forever. Why had this random man had been so kind? Why had he given him the umbrella? Was he the man in his dreams? But, was that imaginary man even real?  
As he gathered up the rest of his dropped books the thoughts flooded his head. He mindlessly chose a table in a small corner to think about the chance meeting. Even if it was not the man he had often dreamed about (which, in Haise’s opinion, was a very embarrassing and nearly impossible likelihood) he still had to give the umbrella back.   
“Do you know him?” A chipper voice broke him out of his thoughts. He turned to face a short girl with a youthful face and short brown hair.  
“I..uh..” he paused to contemplate his answer. “No, I suppose not. I just feel…like I know a man with purple hair and kind of gaudy fashion. It sounds weird and rather non-descriptive, I suppose.” He instantaneously felt ashamed for telling a random girl in the coffee shop his problems.  
“I’m Hori Chie! I’m a photographer. I’ve seen everyone all this area! If there is a man with purple hair and silly clothing, I can surely find him! Why not let me help you?”  
The cheerfulness and the willingness to help took him back. “Well, I don’t know if he is real…” Haise tried to comment. But before he could say much else, the girl rose from her seat. “Give me a two months,” she stated, sticking out two fingers to emphasize. “If this purple haired man is real, I will find him.” With that the girl bounced out into the rain, appearing happy as can be. Haise stared at her in pure confusion.

Kanae

The cold, dripping wet clothing and hair did not even bother Kanae as he rushed through the house to his master. His new plan rejuvenated him in ways many other things could not. If he could get this Haise to think he was his master, he could make him disappear. He could bring his master back to normal. Back to the man he used to be before Kaneki. Back to the man who showed him love. But to do all this he had to know more about this Kaneki. “Tsukiyama has to cooperate in order for me to save him,” he muttered.  
As he reached his master’s door his calmed himself. The purple haired man could not look ecstatic. In his head, he thought of the word he heard Master Shuu mutter more than once, ‘calmato’. Now in a docile state, he proceeded to open the door.  
The dull light crawled in and shone on the lonely man curled up in the same position he had been hours ago. He silently questioned if this was the right thing to do, but quickly casted the thought away. This had to be done.  
“Master Shuu,” he said, as he walked towards the depressed man. He kneeled next to his bed before continuing, “I’m back. What would you want for dinner? I can prepare your favorites. I the perfect ingredients stocked.”  
“I don’t wish to eat, Kanae.” This was his normal response these days. The purple haired butler looked at his master in dismay.  
“I will just have to prepare one of your favorites.” Kanae paused a moment. His nerves were getting to him, but he had no other choice. “Master Shuu, please forgive me in saying so, but it’s been quite sometimes since he has left….would you please talk to me about him? I just want to make you feel better.” Kanae was afraid his name, in fear it would only bring more unhappiness, he avoided it as much as he could.  
His master just stared at him with empty eyes. The guilt began to sink in. ‘Should I be doing this?’ “I don’t want to talk about him.”  
“Master Shuu, please. Just this once. We can take it slow. You can’t keep everything to yourself. It will only make things worse.”  
“No, Kanae.” His voice sounded as if he was in physical pain. ‘Please Master, I am trying to help you. I beg of you just let me help!’  
There was no way he could describe himself other than feeling completely helpless. His words now were borderline frantic. “How about this? We can start at the beginning and go to the hurtful memories later?”  
This time Tsukiyama’s face changed before answering. The last question had thrown his master over the edge. Kanae had not seen his face so fierce or eyes so fiery with anger in at least a year and a half. “You are only a butler. You are over stepping your boundaries.” His anger faded quickly, as if he only had enough energy to sustain it for a brief moment. Even so his eyes remained resentful. “Kaneki…. It feels so empty without him.”  
“Master, I want to make you whole again. That emptiness will fade if only you let me in.”  
By this point Tsukiyama could not even keep emotion in his eyes. They again faded to pools of nothingness and what appeared to be an abyss of endless sorrow. “Kanae, I don’t know if you will ever be able to.”  
The words took him by shock, as if someone just tore his heart completely out of his chest. No, that wasn’t right. The pain was more than that. Perhaps as if someone was slowly crushing each one of his bones, breaking another one after the pervious throbbing had subsided. Even so, he would not let his emotions not show.  
“I will try. Even when no one else is here for you, I shall always be by your side, serving you. Please remember that.” He slowly rose from the floor, feeling completely numbed. “I apologize for over stepping any boundaries, I shall make the arrangements for your dinner.” With that he took his leave.  
As the door shut he heard muffled sobbing, just as the tears poured down his own cheeks. He put his back to the door and slowly slid down to the floor. Head in hands he whispered to himself, “Perhaps one day he will see me as more than a servant.”


	2. The Beginning of a Plan

Tsukiyama

The tears eventually subsided after Kanae had left the room. The emotional release was almost a shock to him. Tsukiyama Shuu had felt numbed for so long, he was surprised that he was still capable of intense emotions. It was as if anything that had been a part of Ken’s life had died along with him, including a large part of Tsukiyama.  
Tsukiyama was alive, but he was not living. The man he gave everything up for slept forever and in a grave that could never be visited. So instead of being the confident man he was two years ago, it was just easiest not to move. Movement caused pain. The emotional pain of being able to continue on, when that person could never even move their muscles to smile ever again.  
The bed-ridden man stared at the ceiling, as he punched the bed slightly with a tightly closed fist. His nails dug into his flesh as he muttered, “I should have been there.” But deep down, he knew that they would have both died. But at least they would have been together. Sometimes he wondered if that would have been better, other times he knew it would have been. Turning over in bed, he calmed himself. There was nothing that could be now, he would just have to ‘live’ with his decision for the rest of his life.   
And what a life it was. Tsukiyama would not even permit Chie to see him, he was ashamed to be seen by anyone like this, including Kanae. At first, he had told Kanae to leave his home and find work elsewhere; it wouldn’t have been hard for a man like him. Tsukiyama wanted nothing more than to die alone in his bed at that time, but the butler had basically all but forced fed him back to physical health.  
Was he now trying to bring him back to emotional health? Was that why he brought up Ken after all this time? After all, it did not make sense to why he would have brought him up otherwise. Only months ago the mention of the half-ghoul caused the man to practically snarl.   
Tsukiyama turned over to his side as he mulled over the earlier conversation. Had he been too hard on Kanae?

Kanae

After several moments of allowing himself to his misery, Kanae pulled himself up off the ground. His body ached from the long day and his clothing was still drenched in water. But he had to make his master’s dinner. His master was more important than changing his clothing into something dry. His pants dripped with each step as he walked to the kitchen.   
The purple haired man was unsure if the tears had started again or it was just his hair dripping down, making his cheeks wet, as he put on one dry article of clothing: an apron. Life had been easier when Tsukiyama was well. The man had many other servants back then. But now Kanae had to make dinner himself, as well as get through all the other chores in the house. It did not bother him, however, he’d do anything for the only person he had ever felt loved by, even if he was not loved anymore. Perhaps if he cooked everything just right, maybe Tsukiyama would be happy, if only for a few fleeting moments.  
Without another thought, he allowed himself to begin the preparations. He thought about the good times, with Master Shuu as he motioned through the steps like a true Gourmet Chef. Kanae found himself smiling to himself as he imagined back to the days when Tsukiyama was first training him in the kitchen. The older man always told him he was sautéing incorrectly. When this occurred, Tsukiyama would put his own hands around Kanae’s and show him the correct movement. Kanae slightly blushed as he fondly thought back to those moments when he continuously did it wrong just to feel his Master’s warm hands on his own. But now, the practice was second-nature to him, and he completed the meal in a matter of an hour. A meal this elaborate, years ago had taken him up to several hours to meet the man of the house’s taste.  
Kanae placed all the correct dishes on the particular plates and bowls that Tsukiyama had taught him over the years. He carefully arranged all of his masters’ favorite dishes one a tray with a fresh mug of steaming coffee, and left the pot on the warmer in the rare chance he would want more. It seemed so long ago, that the two of them would tell stories over a pot of coffee. His missed it dearly. With a sigh, he gently picked up the tray and gingerly walked towards Master Shuu’s room, careful not to slip on his own now only partially dry pants. Once he reached the door, he paused for a moment. The statement ‘you are only a butler’ reverberated in his head. Despite his dread, he had vowed to always help the man, so without another second thought he entered the room, his heart pounding as if it were about to explode.  
“Master!” he exclaimed as he opened to door seeing a view he was unsure if he would ever see again. Tsukiyama sitting up without having to be coaxed to.  
“Kanae, I wish to eat at the table.” Kanae stood there absolutely shocked for several seconds. Tsukiyama meekly smiled at him for the first time in what felt like an eternity. His nerves faded as his heart began to thump loudly in his chest due to sheer excitement. Nothing was lovelier than to see his Master’s face brightened, no longer one of a lost man. Despite of the joy this brought him, he knew soon enough it would vanish and he would sorely miss it. “I wish to talk to you about Kaneki.”  
Partially, the butler had been wishing and dreaming that the smile was because he had done something right. But as always, it led back to him. Why was it always him? It was true he asked, but to bring him up now after his master made him feel so inferior was almost cruel. Even so, he kept up his face. Nothing could describe the grand event better than bittersweet. “Yes, Master Shuu, give me a minute and I will set the table. I shall arrange everything swiftly for the sake of your meal.” He left without saying another word, unsure how he felt about the situation.   
Moments later Tsukiyama found his way to the table, which had been elaborately decorated by Kanae. Shifting into a low bow, Kanae smiled. “Welcome master, please enjoy.” He pulled out the chair for him, and stood on his right side slowly describing each dish in front of him and who it was from. The “who” the dish was made from had been from was always one of Tsukiyama’s favorite parts. As he did this, Kanae spent his time just gazing at the man. This lit up his heart. This was the only Tsukiyama he had never seen and Kanae had; his Master before his stylish clothing and the perfect hair. This Tsukiyama was all his. Even at his worst, his master looked his best.  
After Tsukiyama had been eating for a while, Kanae slowly asked, “So…what did you wish to talk about, Master?”  
Tsukiyama looked at him before averting his eyes, “It’s a long story, Kanae.”  
“Start wherever you can, I am in no hurry.” Anything for you Master Shuu.

Haise

Haise laid in bed staring at the ceiling. He quickly glanced over at the clock. It shouted in red bold letters 12:20 PM. The CCG member had dismissed himself for bed over two hours ago, but could not get to sleep. Questions flew around his head almost endlessly. The events earlier today were rather befuddling and his teammates were confused by the umbrella he brought in with him. It was obvious that it was not his. He rustled his hair as he lied that he had brought it at a convenience store. Why he had done that, he still did not know, however.   
Sighing, he turned over onto his side and allowed himself to continue analyzing the scene that had played out this afternoon. Just who was the purple haired man and the girl that called herself Chie? Was he the man in his dreams? Could he even be real? But the way the man held himself as he walked, how he looked at him, and his way of speech was far too familiar for comfort. And the girl seemed as if she knew the purple haired man well, otherwise why would she say that she would work on finding or at least finding more information about him?  
Still, something felt different between the man at the café and the man in his dreams. The man in his dreams was comforting and had a particular aura of fierce protection around him that the man at the café had not. As he fumbled over these questions again and yet again once more, he found himself a little flustered.   
“I have to give the umbrella back anyways,” he muttered to no one. Perhaps if he were to go to the café again tomorrow the man would show up again. He could not just wonder for the rest of his life if the man in his dreams was actually a real man, and if he had met him. 

Kanae

Kanae found himself sitting in the dark parlor, his master holed up in his bedroom, as if things had not even changed from previous night. In fact, it felt as though this was the common factor which each night for the past year. But this time, the butler had so much to think about: he felt a mix of emotions he couldn’t even attempt to explain to anyone, especially himself.  
The man he had fallen in love with since he was a child had loved someone else for the last couple months. He had expected it, but now it was all but confirmed, and it hurt more than he thought it would. “Stop being an idiot.” He gritted his teeth, “You already knew this.” He slowly repeated to himself as he leaned back in the chair and looked up at the ceiling, “You knew this.” He pursed his lips as he stared into the nothingness of the darkness above him.  
“He wouldn’t have saved me if I was captured by the Aogiri, would he? He wouldn’t have given up his restaurant for me.” And apparently there was even more than that. Tsukiyama couldn’t continue after the talk of his restaurant. His face turned white and a desperate look came upon his face. Soon after he retreated back to his bed, barely finishing his dinner.  
By this point the man was standing up, his fingers were so tightly gripped into a fist that his nails dug into his flesh drawing blood. The purple haired man barely felt the pain, only the warmth of his own blood as he slammed his fist against the heavy dark oak side table next to the chair he was sitting in only a moment ago. “Despite the fact I have been here for him for so many years, and even after everyone left him, it still doesn’t matter. I’ll always be his number two, if I am even that high.” Slowly the anger faded to apathy as his voice broke and his knees buckled beneath him ever so slightly. His thoughts raced in his mind. Even his pet is probably higher than me. What did they do? They didn’t feed him when he was close to dying. They didn’t fix his hair for him every year for ten years. Those people didn’t help him to bed when he fell asleep reading, they didn’t live to make him smile, they wouldn’t do anything to save him. I would. “So why am I nothing?” Even after everything he did, his master was still in shambles. In the end, it felt as if nothing mattered at all.  
Despite Kanae knowing the path he was about to take was a dangerous one, his feelings made his decision solidified. Tomorrow, he would go to the Caged Bird Café and try to meet up with ‘Haise’. He had to, it was his only hope to save his master, and maybe in the process, he too would be saved.

Haise

Since it was another day off for him and his subordinates, he dismissed himself again for an outing. This time he did not invite his teammates to go on a trip with him. Instead he made the excuse, “There was another book I wanted but did not have enough money for. I spent it all by the time I saw it.” His members looked at him a bit perplexed. However, no one questioned it because they all knew their leader had a strange love for the weight of a book in his hands. Afterwards, he opened the door to the outside world, the black umbrella resting in his right hand.  
To solidify his cover he stopped by the bookshop and picked up the first book he laid his eyes on. He did not even look at the title, as he handed it to the old man at the counter. He too commented on his presence just yesterday, and again Haise used the same excuse. The elder smiled a toothless grin at him as he handed over the book. It was not until this point that he saw the title, “Sorrows of a Young Werther”. It was not a book he had heard of, but either way he was sure that he would enjoy it.  
With that he found his way back to the café. This time around he was finally able to see the name of the shop, no longer in a hurry to get out of the rain. “The Caged Bird, huh?” It was an interesting name, he could not help but wonder what brought the owner to name it something so ominous, as he opened the door to the warm exterior. ‘But perhaps if a bird had such a nice dwelling he would never want to leave his home’, he thought as he stepped inside. The café today was relatively empty and the purple haired man nor Chie were here this time around. “I should have expected as much,” he muttered to himself as he selected a seat away from the door.   
After finishing his of his new novella, which was surprisingly enjoyable, and five cups of coffee later, the sun rose to its highest position. He had spent most of his morning here, neither the spunky girl nor the man-in-questioned showed up. With a heavy sigh he began to pack up. Just as he had the book and his hand and one arm in his coat, he heard the girls at the counter softly shriek and giggles. Distracted by the girls, he glanced over to see what they were so joyous about. To his luck, it was the man from yesterday.

Kanae

Kanae felt so uncomfortable in his master’s clothing. Thankfully, the old wardrobe still contained Tsukiyama’s clothing from his high school years and they fit his own smaller frame as if it were tailored to him. He even smelled like his Master. He tried to ingrain every mannerism and detailed look down to a tee, before leaving the house. The butler knew it was not right to have taken Master Shuu’s clothing without asking, but the situation called for outlandish methods. This was to help both of them. It was necessary. Tsukiyama would forgive him, if he ever found out, once he realized how important it was. In any case, he could not fit in these outfits anymore anyways.   
Kanae stood in front of the mirror just staring at himself for long moments. He looked pretty dashing in his black slacks, a dusty red button-down that peaked out from under his plum suit jacket and a dark purple tie. His now wrapped hand, used to hide the unsightly bruises that remained from the night before, hung awkwardly through the sleeve opening. The wrapping thankfully did not take away from the aesthetic though. It was weird to stare at his reflection in the mirror and see a much younger Tsukiyama Shuu looking back at him. The resemblance was uncanny.  
The sun was high in the sky by the time he made it to the café. His entrance caused much of a commotion from the girls behind the counter. The girl who had served him yesterday giggled, waving her hand at Kanae under a blushed face. Inside, Kanae was rolling his eyes, knowing that was not a practice of his master he mustered his best voice and greeted them. “Good afternoon.” His voice fell flat, and his mind blanked for French vocabulary. How could he mimic something as melodious as his masters’ tone of voice? His feelings of inferiority, however, did not last too long. As he turned towards the table he sat at the previous day, the boy with the mixed hair stood just staring at him. Good, he remembers me. Let me make sure he shall never forget.  
Kanae made long strides towards the older man, confident with his goal in sight. “I see you brought my umbrella back.” He smiled his most charming smile and reached out his hand. “I apologize, it seems I forgot to introduce myself the last time we met. It’s nice to meet you….” He reached his hand out toward Haise, making a small bow of the head out of habit. “My name is Tsukiyama Shuu.”


	3. A Trial Run

Haise

Tsukiyama Shuu? The name sounded so familiar to him. It as if somewhere deep inside of him something called to him from a well that looked bottomless. The more he tried to comprehend what they said to him, the more it became distorted. The feelings, words and memories came out like a stream of white noise. Haise wanted nothing more than to ask the man all the questions he had. But what would he say? ‘Oh, sir, I had a dream about you.’ The questions bubbled over in him until he blurted out the first thing that came to mind, a pun.  
“What a unique name. But you know what they say, if the Shuu fits.” He immediately regretted it. Out of all the things you could say, you said the absolutely most ridiculous thing you could have said. He continued to scold himself internally, until a gentle laugh left the mouth of the taller man. Haise was somewhat relieved by this as he nervously laughed and ruffled the back of his head.  
“I see you seem to be leaving,” the man’s voice was smooth as silk as he asked, “Would you mind staying only a little longer? I saw your book. I, too, have been reading that novella. I would enjoy discussing it over a nice cup of coffee, as I have yet to find anyone else who has read it. What do you say?”  
Taken back by this offer, but unable to turn down a moment to possibly find more about the mystery man, Haise nodded. “It truly is a masterpiece from what I read so far,” he commented as he took his seat. The purple haired man took the seat across from him. All of his movements seemed very calculated and graceful as he leaned towards him on the table. Everything about him radiated elegance. “I must agree. Despite all the books I have read in my life, this one has quickly become one of my favorites.”  
Curious to why, Haise was quick to ask, completely forgetting about all the questions he had for the man or the awkwardness of being asked to sit back down. “Why is it that you love it so much? I enjoy getting new takes and interpretations on books. I believe sharing opinions about literature is the best way to completely immerse one’s self into the story.”  
Before the man answered, he leaned back in his chair. Despite this leaning back his posture still seemed perfect as he gazed longingly out the window. “I am a firm believer that the closer you can get to an author’s thought process, the better the story will be. Unfortunately, I understand how it feels to have one’s love be unrequited. Due to this fact I can deeply understand the pain of Mr. Werther.”  
Tsukiyama  
It had been forever since the purple haired man had opened the blinds, the afternoon light streamed across his room in patterns he barely recognized anymore. The outside world still existed, even after a large part of him was gone. Perhaps Kanae was right, maybe it was time to pick himself up off the ground. He had done so before and took things in graceful strides, as if nothing could bother him. What made this any different? The answer came to his mind quickly: Kaneki. However he attempted his best to toss the name out of his mind. ‘Today,’ he decided as he stared out the window at the cloudless day that still seemed gloomy, ‘is my trial run.’  
He started out slow, deciding first to take a shower. As embarrassed as he was to admit, Kanae sometimes had to even convince him to get out of bed to do such basic necessities. But even opening his eyes during those years felt like a sin. Perhaps, if he was dressed and showered by the time Kanae had come home, he would forgive him of the cruel things that came out of his mouth during the previous night. Normally he would not care of the things he said to people, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized Kanae was almost the only person he had left. He couldn’t lose him too.  
With just that thought in his head, he motivated himself in a way he could not motivate himself in months. The shower, for once, felt rejuvenating instead of a chore. Upon exiting the shower and he glanced in the mirror as he walked into his master bedroom again, noting that his hair was getting a bit shaggy. ‘Perhaps, Kanae could help me trim it later tonight’ he mulled over it as he entered his closet attempting to find something to wear that fit his mood.   
He stared at his clothing for several long minutes. For some reason, his clothing seemed out of place. Tsukiyama didn’t question this fact much, as he let his fingers flow through each option, as if just by feeling the cloth a piece would jump out at him. His clothing, which had once been one of his biggest prides now seemed to overwhelm him. However, he had gotten this far. This determination led to a finally decided upon a simple ivory button up and a simple royal blue cardigan, he realized the clothing was no longer the fit it used to be. While his heart felt heavier, his body suffered and slowly waned. Shuu tried to not give this idea too much thought, as his button the last button of his cardigan.  
Without much thought, his legs guided him to the parlor library duo of the Tsukiyama mansion. It had always been his favorite room. Whatever emotion he had felt growing up, this room always had a seat for him and a book that held similar feelings. He always thought, somewhere in the world someone with the same emotion was also reading the same book. While the idea was a bit romanticized, it was a soothing thought as a growing preteen, attempting to navigate the human world. Now he sat down in the dark corner with a book titled “The Hanged-Man’s McGuffin” resting on his lap. The weight of the book seemed to increase the more he looked at the title. After a moment of reflection, however, he picked up the book and got lost in the words and spaces between. Besides, it was the message in between the lines that always meant to most to the master of the house.  
Hour swept by faster than they had in years. The next time he glanced out the window on the far end of the room the sun was beginning to set. One glance at the grandfather clock announced it was almost dinner time. Particularly enough he had not seen Kanae all day. It was slightly disappointing to him, a part of him wanted his butler to see the strides he was making back to the gentleman he had once been. However, it was easy to dismiss his feelings of discontent. Kanae was probably out on errands. The boy always did the best of his ability to do his job and the purple haired man knew he could not shame him for that. Instead, he decided to show his gratitude. Tsukiyama would cook him and his butler the first dinner he had cooked for the two of them in over six years. Tsukiyama could not wait to see the look on his face when he tried his chosen delicacy of the day, after all who could cook it better than the Gourmet

Kanae

The meeting had gone phenomenal. He could not have wished for a better gathering between the dreadful man and himself. Kanae was absolutely convinced he had him fooled. This meant if he continued along this path, he could end Haise in silence. The boy would not even have time to call for help. He was so happy with himself that he almost felt like uncharacteristically shouting out in joy. Knowing better, he calmed himself smiling a tight smile attempting to contain the overflowing happiness within himself.   
He had done something right, in time he could tell Master Shuu, and he was positive he would be so proud. But for now, his Master had to just enjoy his late dinner. ‘And what a late dinner it will be,’ Kanae thought sheepishly as he gazed down at his watch. He did have to admit, the kid distracted him from the time so easily. He did have to admit that 8:30 was rather late for a dinner, but in all likelihood Master Shuu most likely did not know what time it was and would not be hungry. This allowed him time to change back into his normal attire and fix his hair to his typical day-to-day one before fixing dinner. The butler immediately felt immensely guilty as he mused over the perks of his master being depressed.  
He tossed this idea into his head until the mansion came into view. For the first time in ages, the house was lit up. Kanae’s eyes widened as he felt his heart drop, because he instantly knew he had missed an important part of his Master’s recovery. He cursed at himself as he flew into the house, flinging the door open as if a single second made his late appearance seem better to his Lord.  
Sadly it did not. In the only somber room Kanae found Tsukiyama, sitting alone in the dining room, grandeur food surrounding him. Full of shame, Kanae found himself bowing his head, and hiding his injured hand behind his back, to his Master. “Good evening, Master Shuu. Your meal looks lovely.”  
“It was for you too. Glad to see you made it, fashionably late.” His face was hard to read, but knowing his master tendencies he could see this was not going to go well. “And let me emphasize ‘fashionably’. It is nice to see you have raided my wardrobe without a moment of asking my permission as well.” Kanae took a brief look at his Master’s clothing, only to look up to see Tsukiyama’s glaring eyes. Under his breath, he heard Tsukiyama breath out, “per amore di Dio.” The foreign words hurt him. He pursed his lips, getting up from his seat and threw his napkin on his finished plate.   
“I can explain, Master.” He tried to remain as calm and professional as possible, when inside he felt as though he had been stabbed in the heart with a thousand knives.  
“I don’t know what you are up to, but you should remember you have a job here. If you want to leave fine, but if you stay remember you are not here for fun.” The man took a deep breath as Tsukiyama pushed the chair hard into the table. “At least eat what I made you. It is tepid, but it’s impolite to not accept my meal.” With that the man left the room, slamming the door dramatically. The sound of the door echoed in Kanae’s ears, along with the thumping of his heart and feeling of complete disgust with himself. “I just wanted to help you, Master Shuu. Please, give me time.”   
Despite the feeling of wanting to vomit, he forced himself to eat as much as he could of the cold feast, but in the end could only down a bites as he tried not to sob. Tsukiyama had always told him men must be strong and be a gentleman whenever possible. Since his master was at a weak point he must be the foundation and hold strong. Everything could not fall on their heads, not now with his plan started. The man sat there more than thinking more than he did eating. By the time he had finished as much food as he could keep down, it had cooled to room temperature and an hour had past. The entire time he was just thinking about how he would make this up to Tsukiyama, and attempting to give him as much time as possible to settle down. He knew from previous times it was not a good idea to turn a dismayed Tsukiyama into an irate one. While the man was typically a gentleman, if he was irritated to the point of no return, a scary night ensued. He was incredibly unpredictable.  
But to his surprise, he did not find the man fuming or tensely sitting in a chair in the parlor. Instead, he looked peaceful instead of angry as he had fallen asleep on the desk, a book laying open in front of him. Kanae had to admit he had seen him sleeping a lot in the past two years, but something about Tsukiyama Shuu asleep surrounded by old books was so serenely breathtaking that he could not take his eyes off it. He wished this moment, in this silence, would remain forever.   
Something over took the man as he continued to be an onlooker of this captivating scene that could have been out of a painting. He found his feet almost walking on their own, and within a few steps he found himself behind the man he had grown to adore throughout the years. The butler removed his suit jacket as slowly as he could and gently draped it over the sleeping man. “I’m so sorry,” Kanae whispered as the piece of cloth cloaked the man of the house. “In time, everything will be okay.” Without another thought, Kanae leaned closer to his master. His smell was almost intoxicating to the man, as he carefully leaned over and kissed the back of his head.  
He jumped to the side, as his master moved his position. Internally the boy scolded himself, waiting for his master to demand a reason for all of his actions today. It was true, he shouldn’t have interacted with his master like that. No one touched Tsukiyama Shuu in such an intimate way, without first a confirmation. His heart was beating so fast he was sure his chest would burst. However, the man never said anything or opened his eyes. Perhaps he had gotten out of this situation. Smiling to himself the man thought as he turned around, “That will be my little secret.”  
He was almost out of the door when a voice stopped him. “Your tie…,” it mumbled. Kanae blinked a few times, face turning bright red. Had he actually woken his Master up? Every curse word in the book flew through his mind as he tried to calm himself and change his embarrassment to a compliant grin.  
Kanae turned to the man sprawled out on the dark wooden desk. His eyes were just ever so slightly opened, showing a sliver of brilliant amethyst. The analyzing look sent shivers down his spine. “Ah, yes, it is yours. I apologize for wear-“  
“It’s crooked.”  
This time the man could no longer contain the embarrassment he felt and his face turned bright crimson. “Ah, so it is.” The sentence came out as a nervous laugh as he clumsily fumbled with fingers that felt completely numb, exposing his wrapped hand. He was so concentrated on fixing his appearance in front of his master he did not even hear the chair scrape against the floor or the light click of his Master’s footsteps, until the purple haired man was standing in front of him. Tsukiyama gently pushed away the hands that Kanae felt were inadequate for the situation. The closeness and the small touch, widened the man’s eyes as his face turned an even bright red color, now matching the color of the roses he loved so much.   
Shuu’s elegant motions made the adjustment of the article of clothing look effortless. Kanae never understood how the man made everything look so lovely. The spell he had been under was broken by his master’s words. “If you are going to wear my clothing, at least wear it right.” Now finished with his job, Tsukiyama stood back, gave him a soft smile and looked directly into his eyes. “Even the smallest detail can make a man look either a beast or a gentleman, remember that.”  
After being stunned for several long seconds due to the eye contact, Kanae quickly moved in a deep bow, “Yes, Master.” While his butler was midst bow, Shuu grabbed his hand as quick as a viper. He held him tightly at the wrist, slowly turning it in his hands. The bruising was still visible and the wrappings forgotten to remove.  
“These don’t look fresh. You haven’t been eating enough have you?” He eyed Kanae once more. The butler could not pinpoint his look. Was it anger? No, that had to be a look of concern. It was true, he had to admit. In the last couple days he had a cup of coffee, a few bites from last night (he was too absorbed in the conversation to eat much), and even less today. He could not even remember past then. Ashamed Kanae had disappointed his Master again he angled his face away from his master’s eyes, only to be physically pulled back by Shuu’s long fingers.  
“You may have thought I was irritated tonight, but if you continue to refrain from eating you will see what true anger looks like. Do you understand?” Kanae gave a swift nod, and the other man released himself. “Très bien.” With that he sauntered out of the room after lightly ruffling his hair, leaving the younger man stunned.   
Why was he being treated so kindly? Tsukiyama Shuu was never mean to him, but always was fairly distant. It was highly uncharacteristic for him. The man took his usual seat in the parlor musing over his day. Blushing madly he wondered, ‘had his kiss woken him?’ 

Haise

Haise awoke in the late morning, no bad dreams to haunt him. In fact, he woke up smiling. The half-ghoul wondered perhaps if the wonderful conversation yesterday had peeked his mood. None of the teammates living in his house thoroughly enjoyed discussing books, so the man named Tsukiyama made him feel so refreshed. However, something still did not seem right. He couldn’t help but question, ‘is he really that man?’ He repressed these questions easily, after all did it truly matter who he was if he could carry on such good conversations? Somewhere deep in him answered: yes.  
No matter how he felt on the issue he could not ponder for long. After a two day rest, Akira requested his presence at the CCG headquarters. Often time she only asked for him to come alone if it was the start of a new important mission. Oddly enough, not much news on any new cases circulated around the headquarters like they normally did before they arrived on his desk. He chewed his lip as he mulled over the idea. But quickly his mind strayed from work to the attractive man from the night before.  
“Sasaki Haise,” a voice called as he walked past Akira’s office. Rubbing the back of his head he backtracked into her room. “A little distracted today?”  
“I was just thinking about a new novel I had been reading,” he lightly brushed his jaw line with his hand. Akira looked at him with a cold gaze for several seconds before shaking her head.  
“That sounds just like you, Sasaki.” As she said this she pulled out a thick binder marked “S-ranked Ghouls”. As soon as Haise saw this he drew in a deep breath. He and his team had not been working together that long and they were already getting cases like this? He tried to comfort himself into thinking that perhaps it would only be a joint mission. “I understand you and Arima enjoy your books, but I have an important assignment for you, and only you, Sasaki.”   
Her dangerous eyes caught him off-guard as he asked, “Only me? Not the rest of the Quinckes?” She nodded her head slightly as she started to shift through the files. “It is only gathering intel, no need to worry.” The flipping seemed to last forever, as names of every S-ranked ghoul passed through his mind. As she finally stopped at a file called ‘The Gourmet’ and he felt his heart jolt.  
Haise did not know why he got such a strong reaction from that name. He had never even heard his name in conversation the entire time he was at the CCG. The name should mean absolutely nothing towards him, yet he had an aversion to wanting to take this job. He wanted to refuse Akira, go home, and snuggle up with his book. He mindlessly listened as the words came out of his superior’s mouth.  
“The Gourmet was a case that was being taken care of by a large number of CCGs members two years ago. But lately, it seems this ghoul’s activity has fallen off.” She paused to glance through the files. She dragged her finger lightly across the page. This case must mean something to her, Haise mused as she finally found her voice to continue. “He is an S-ranked ghoul and no one has seen any traces of him in a year, at the very least, and no corpses matching the details in this file have appeared. Many of the higher ups are getting nervous. This being said, we are unsure whether he has fallen silent because he is planning something, is in hiding, or has died. He may have been involved with the owl two years ago. Your goal is to locate him. Do you understand?”  
Haise found himself nodding obediently as he grabbed for the few pieces of paper she held towards him. The man glanced at it ever so slightly, information such as his shoe size and eating patterns. Overall, it was obvious that not much was known about the man. He couldn’t help but wonder how he was supposed to find a man who they had so little information on. So at loss for words he blurted out, “Why was I given this case?”  
Akira only shrugged. “Arima just told me to pass it on to you.”

 

Tsukiyama

The morning was still young when Tsukiyama Shuu forced himself out of bed. It was hours earlier than the day before, and it was even harder to get himself started. His once graceful movements turned into a clumsy mess as he rolled out of bed. Ever since yesterday, it almost felt like he had to reteach his muscles how they worked it was as if they had forgotten their purpose. Despite the pain and difficulty it took to move, he felt a sense of pride and victory with each and every step. It was odd, how little things seemed to mean so much when a person hit rock bottom.  
Even though the day was still beginning, Kanae had dismissed himself from the house at least an hour previously. He claimed that he was on the search for a perfect outfit for him to enter the world again. “Something absolutely dashing. I refuse to let my Master look anything less than a gentleman,” his butler had commented in the low light of the early morning. Tsukiyama had tried to refuse, after all, he had little to no desire to see the outside world any time soon. But alas, the young man went anyways. These days, Kanae seemed to be too strong-willed for him to control. He began to wonder just when it was when the boy stopped listening to his every word. He shrugged it off, perhaps his pushing was for his own good he decided as he started his morning ritual.  
It was about noon, as Tsukiyama sat in the parlor with a cup of coffee and a book, that the doorbell rang. As Kanae was not back, Shuu was forced to answer it himself. He let out a small sigh as he ascended from the comfort and warmth of his chair. While the last thing he wanted to do was open that door, he knew better than to leave it. After all, it was peculiar for company these days anyways. It could be important, but in all honesty, little seemed important to Tsukiyama these days. With apathy he reached the door and laboriously opened it.  
The light blinded him as a voice called to him, “Tsukiyama! You’re alive! It’s been forever, I thought for sure you were a goner.”  
“Chie… lady-like as always I see,” Tsukiyama commented. He knew he should be offended, but he could not expect much less for a woman like Chie. She always said whatever came to mind first, one simply got used to it. He had gotten used to her antics years ago to the point he almost found himself liking them. In fact, her presence almost made his heart feel light. “Would you care to come in and join me? I have a fresh cup of coffee, little mouse.” His voice, as it came out, seemed almost frail to him, he instantly felt embarrassed. He stifled that emotion as quick as possible.  
“No thanks!” Her bluntness this time shocked him. She had barely said no before in her life. He stood there stunned for several seconds as she continued, “I just wanted to know if Kanae was home.” As she said these words she propped herself up her tip toes as if to get a better view of the house behind him.  
That was an odd thing for her to inquire, indeed. It was no mystery that the two disliked each other: Kanae had frequently questioned why he kept around such a despicable creature and Chie occasionally asked why the man was so angry. He never had an answer for either of them and would always ignore them. Despite his pure confusion, he hid it to the best of his ability. “I am afraid he is not around. He left hours ago. You are welcome to come in and wait, if you would like to discuss something with him.”  
“Nah, that’s okay,” she chimed, “I just wanted to know if he was home, I don’t even have anything to say to him. Get well soon!” With that she waved a clumsy goodbye and was off down the courtyard. Tsukiyama watched her go as he wondered, ‘What are they up to?’


	4. Halfway

Kanae  
The café filled with light as he looked on at Haise as he sincerely smiled while listening to him talk about this and that book. It has been the third day of this, and Kanae still was not tired of him rambling about this plot or that character. Kanae could see why his Master had taken a liking to him. There was something so genuine about everything the man did and it was easy to feel drawn to him. The boy radiated light, he could make anyone feel like a good person just being in his presence.  
“So do you have any book recommendations, Tsukiyama-san?” The boy’s words brought him back out of his thoughts.  
The man tried to smile his best Shuu smile as he leaned forwards. “Ah, yes, I have many books I would love to share. Have you ever read Yellow Wallpaper? It’s quite the tragedy.”  
Haise thought for a long second before shaking his head. “I cannot say that I have read it, nor heard of it, but for some reason I have always been fond of tragedies. Perhaps you can tell me what it is about?”  
“It is a first person story about a young woman who is confided to her own bedroom and is forbidden to leave due to depression and hysteria. Since she is locked up for so long, she slowly degrades into complete insanity.” Kanae had really loved the story when he had first read it at fifteen, a recommendation from his master. After months of watching Tsukiyama deteriorate, the book embodied more meaning than he ever thought it would. As these thoughts began to get to him he found himself blurting out, “I personally know someone like her.” As the words fell out of his mouth Kanae instantly regretted them. He began to feel as though his facade was breaking. Perhaps it was too hard of a task for him.  
Haise had been nodding along the entire time until the last statement. The interested look left his face as the words came out. “Are they okay?” He voiced his concern. So wholehearted. He had never met a man in his entire life who actually felt like he cared when he asked the questions.  
Instantly he was compelled to answer. “I’m attempting to do everything in my power to make sure he does not end up like her. I want him to feel alive once more.” Kanae found himself gazing out the window, thinking about the last couple nights. It felt so surreal, he was unsure if he was making progress or making everything worse.  
“You sound like a good friend and a good person.” The words flew out of his mouth like he meant them. No one had ever called Kanae a good person. In fact, he was often seen as the opposite of a moral citizen.  
He found himself giving Haise a sad smile. “I’m not so sure I am as good as you think I am.”  
Haise  
The words of ‘I’m not so sure I am as good as you think’ kept swirling around his mind. What had the man meant by that? He never got to ask that day for, as soon as it exited the man’s mouth, he looked at his watch and got up like a tornado swept him up and out the door. The man only gave him a chance to apologize for having to leave so swiftly and promised to meet Haise again. Haise had meant to go back, he really had. But, the director had a job for him and his crew. The job left him little time to do much else other than to cook for his team and sleep. Unfortunately, the man named Tsukiyama did not give him any way to contact him, and he could not go to the café. So, instead of getting to the answer to that question, as well as many other questions he constantly kept forgetting to ask, he had to sit there pondering the answers with no conclusions. He had been so distracted by these thoughts his own team began to stop trying to get his attention. They all knew he was thinking about the mysterious person he spent so much time at the café for.  
But now that a week had passed since his last visit he was unsure if the man would still be there for him to even question. As he walked out of the door he found himself to be gloomy in his worrisome thoughts. ‘What if he just wasn’t there? What if he thought I forgot about him? What if he gave up on me? What if...?’ Each thought was for some reason highly distressing for him that he almost felt like running to the café. However, Haise made sure he kept a slow steady pace, as not to scare other pedestrians or, perhaps, he was afraid to look too desperate in case the man was there. He brushed his confusing emotions aside as he began to come up with a plan to make it up to the man, if Tsukiyama happened to be there.  
When he reached the café, his heart raced as he reached for the door knob. Just the touch of the knob gave him a jolt of nervous energy, as he pushed open the door with more force than he meant to. A small smile fell onto his face, as he saw the purple haired man indulged in a book, outside light shining on him. The image was like something in a painting. It was oddly breath taking. Now that he was standing there he could not help, but to embarrassingly admit to himself that Tsukiyama was indeed a beautiful man. It was at this point the man finally glanced back at him.  
“Ah! Haise Sasaki, I thought you had left me forever. Please join me, it would be my pleasure!” Haise was surprised at how eager the man had been to welcome him back after his sudden disappearance. He felt a touch of guilt as the thought of the man sitting and waiting in this very café for a week straight. As soon as he sat down, he exclaimed, “Trés bien! I was afraid something had happened to my newly acclaimed friend.”  
“Ah,” Haise zealously confessed, “No. I was only working. Sometimes my job just happens to kept me fairly busy. I hope I did not make you lonely for these past few days, Tsukiyama-san.”  
He only smiled back at him a gentle smile. “I had company, isn’t that right, Sayuri-Chan?” He called over to the shy waitress girl who had obviously been staring at him the whole time. As soon as he said her name, she jumped and averted her eyes before turning back to him and giving him a huge grin. “Plus, a man needs his alone time as well to completely flourish.”  
Haise nodded thoughtfully to himself wondering if perhaps he was only saying these things to ease his nerves. He had to admit they did relieve some of the negative feelings off his shoulders. “I was hoping to make it up to you...” Haise timidly looked down at the table, unable to meet the man’s wine-colored eyes. As he realized his embarrassment, his hand went to the back of his head and the words began to blurt out in a rapid speed. “Would… you like to come over for dinner? I mean I am a rather good cook, well I’m not the best but, I have to cook every day. And I just felt so awful for leaving you here so I really think that I should be able to make it up to you. Plus, perhaps if you come over you can browse through my book collections-“ Haise was interrupted in mid-thought as the man reached across the table, and with a finger nudged his head up so the two were looking each other in the eye.  
“Calm down, mon petite cheri. It would be my pleasure to dine with you.”  
Slightly jerking away from the man he smiled, “Then how about tomorrow night at 7?”

Haise found himself pacing the floor of the community room as only the moon lit up the room. It was hours after his meeting with Tsukiyama, but half of him wished he could take back what he said. He had been so relieved that the man was still there and was not angry with him. ‘Why are you so impulsive all the time?’ He couldn’t help but ask himself.  
“Is something wrong?” A voice broke his negative self-talk. Haise thought he had been alone, seeing as everyone had already bade him a goodnight. However, now Mutsuki stood in the doorway dressed in pajamas, with a concerned look on his face. Haise’s confusion and distraught must has shown, as Mutsuki felt compelled to explain himself. “I came down for some water.” He showed Haise the empty glass in his hands.  
Haise’s hand impulsively went up to ruffle his hair as a nervous laugh fell out. “I may have gotten myself in a bit of trouble.”  
Setting his glass down, Mutsuki settled in on the couch. “If you would like to talk about it, the water can wait.” He offered, the look on his face even more apprehensive at this point. Haise wasn’t sure how he felt about talking about his dilemma, but seeing as the younger man had already sat down he could hardly deny him.  
“So, there is this guy.” Haise started off. Moments later he realized how that sounded and added quickly, “He’s only a friend.” Mutsuki face now faded to a smile and had to stifle a small laugh as he asked, “Is that friend the reason you have been going to that café so much?”  
“Ah,” He looked away slightly flustered, “Yeah, he would be the reason. We chat over coffee about books. He’s a very thoughtful, intelligent man. It is a nice break from the chaos.” The more he spoke the more bashful he began to feel. “This week has been pretty busy, so I accidentally left him at the café alone for those seven days. We haven’t exchanged numbers, so I couldn’t get ahold of him. I felt rather bad about it.”  
“Oh, did he not show up today when you went then?” Mutsuki asked remorsefully.  
“No, that’s not the problem at all. I just became slightly impulsive in my apology is all.” Haise gave her a sheepish grin.  
“I’m sure that isn’t as bad as you think it is.”  
“I invited him here for dinner.” This immediately took Mutsuki back. He understood why. After all, how could one possibly forget they could not eat normal food in front of others? He hadn’t been able to eat those types of food for as long as he could remember, as much as he wished he could. “I believe I was a bit carried away.”  
“I’m guessing he doesn’t know your secret then?”  
Haise shifted his gaze from him as he leaned down, elbows on knees. “I can’t just tell him I’m a ghoul. That would scare anyone off. And rightfully so.” Mutsuki nodded sympathetically, as he let out a sigh as his gaze went back to Haise. “So what are you going to do?”  
“Well… I’m just going to have to stomach it. It shouldn’t be that bad right?” He had never tried human food, he was just always repulsed by the smell. It couldn’t be as bad as it smelled, there was no way. He would be fine. He repeated this to himself over and over. It was just food, it couldn’t kill him, right?  
Mutsuki suddenly spoke out meekly. “Are you ever going to tell him?”  
Haise bit his lip as he leaned back in his seat. Eyes averting to the ceiling. “I don’t feel right lying to him. It almost feels like I am manipulating him to think I am someone I’m not. It doesn’t feel right, but I just don’t know, Mutsuki. I really don’t know.”

 

Kanae  
The wind blew his Master’s fanciest coat jacket, causing him to shudder under the cool breeze as he walked out of the mansion and into the autumn night. When Kanae explained he needed the night off to go to dinner, he told the man he had fallen in love with a girl at the local café and she had invited him to eat with her parents. His master had seemed too happy and proud for him, that he refused to let him leave the house in anything but his finest. Master Shuu had let him borrow one of his most expensive and loved jackets for this occasion, and had ordered him a bouquet of Gardenias he had to pick up earlier in the day. He felt guilty as he thought about his Master’s kindness, the thought itself made him feel shiver. He clung to himself as he walked in hope to rid of this feeling.  
He scoffed, as if he would ever love a girl like Sayuri. Sayuri, he had learned much about in the past week when Haise Sasaki had not been there. The girl was even more despicable than he had ever imagined. She was clumsy, not only in movement, but also words. She was unable to keep a conversation going, even if it were small talk, for more than ten minutes before going into a whirlwind of ‘I’m so sorry’ or getting embarrassed and fleeing. She cared even less about her appearance, despite it improving every day, but her progression was not even near enough to what they should be. If Kanae ever loved a woman, he was positive, it would not be a thing such as her. In fact, Kanae felt that if he had to spend another day listen to her and her friend’s gossip about him, he was going to be sick. Thankfully, Haise had shown up that day, he did know how much more he could take before she ended up on his Master’s table. He laughed under his breath. A woman like her is not even good enough to eat.  
Thinking of food, he felt his heart drop in his stomach as he thought about tonight’s dinner. Why the hell would he ask him to dinner which neither could eat? While he had been thoroughly trained in the practice of eating human cuisine, it was far from one of his favorite past times. In fact, it was disgusting enough to eat humans without the correct preparations. He understood he had to keep up human appearances, but this felt like a complete waste of time on both of their parts. The anger towards Haise quickly masked his guilt from lying to Master Shuu as he walked up the steps to the address Haise had given him. He could not help but think this was a rather big house for only one person.  
Despite his irritation, he put a smile on his face as he knocked on the door. As soon as the door opened, Kanae dipped into a low bow and presented the flowers to Haise. “As a thanks for you graciously inviting me into your home.” He rose slowly before handing them over.  
Reaching for the huge blooms, Haise averted his eyes and he could not help but notice a small blush arising on his cheeks. “Thank you, Tsukiyama-san, please come in.” Kanae did so, just happy to be out of the chilling winds. Noticing his reddened hands for the cold weather, Haise was quick to offer a cup of coffee. At least he is a good host, he thought as he followed him into the house attempting to make each step his most graceful one.  
Kanae felt his own eyes widen as he stepped inside only to see three others relaxing on a sofa nearby the front door. He was taken back so much that the man almost stopped in his tracks.  
Speaking in a low tone he commented, “I thought we were to be having dinner alone, Haise. I did not realize it would be a party.”  
Haise turned around in a flash. At this point the rest of the others were now staring his way. “Ah! I’m so sorry, Tsukiyama-san. I should have told you first: these are my teammates. Due to the occupational circumstances we have, it is just easier to live in the same house. ” He then went on to introduce each member. However, Kanae was too distracted by his own thoughts to listen to who was whom. Kanae instantly froze. They couldn’t be. Had he been stupid enough to walk into an ENTIRE house of CCG members? Trying to keep his eloquent demeanor and sanity, he smiled. “That sounds wonderful. And what is it that you all do together?”  
“Well… that’s…I...” Haise shuttered out looking slightly uncomfortable as he brushed the back of his head. “We work for the CCG,” a man with ridiculously styled orange hair shouted over him. Haise had a wide eyed disappointed look. Scheiße. Instantly Kanae felt himself break into a cold sweat.  
Haise looked sheepishly back at Kanae as he spoke. “My job can be a bit secretive at times, as well as political. I try to keep others out of it, if at all possible.”  
Attempting to stay in his character and not completely lose it, Kanae nodded. “I completely understand. I believe every man has a secret or a complex component to their life they do not wish to share.” And boy did he have his. A handful of them, ones that could get both him and his Master killed. “I shall ask you no further if you do not care for me to.” As long as you do not overextend your own questions.  
Haise looked uncomfortable as he averted his gaze to the flowers in his hand. “I thank you for that.” He saw one of the members in his group shoot in a sympathetic look. “Ah, well, if you would excuse me for a minute, I should put these flowers in a vase. And you said you would like some coffee. I remember from the café you drink purely black, correct?”  
“Thoughtful as always, Haise Sasaki. Would you mind showing me to the bathroom on the way to the kitchen?” Haise lightly nodded, and Kanae eagerly followed, anything to be away from the room full of danger. As soon as Haise motioned to the bathroom, Kanae had to keep himself from running into it. But as soon as the door was shut, the man was a bundle of nerves as he went over to the sink and turned it on. He let the water wash over his hands as he stared into the mirror. He had hoped the water would calm him down but it only intensified his feelings.  
Slowly he muttered to himself, “If there is a God out there, please, just let me get through this night. I am trying to do something good for my Master. I only want to please him.” He took his hand out of the water, only to slam if lightly on the side of the sink. “Just don’t let me die tonight.” He stomach turned as the words came out of his mouth. It was true that most of the CCG did seem to be incompetent at their jobs, but were they that much of amateurs?  
Splashing some water on his face to get himself out of his cold sweat he encouraged himself once more. “You can do this. You have been well-trained. You have been close and personal with CCG members before. Do this for Master Shuu.”

Haise  
He grabbed a vase from the cabinet, almost surprised they actually had one. As he arranged the flowers in the vase he could not help but let his mind wander.  
“Should I have told him that there would be others here?” he asked himself in a hushed voice. Haise noted how disappointed he looked and then an emotion he could not explain. Was the man actually shy? Perhaps introverted? It was not until he set the vase down on the table and took a good look at it that realization came over him. “Did he think it was a date?” Instantly Haise felt his face redden and his heart rapidly beat. “After all, why would he come dressed like that and bring me flowers?” Haise found himself having to sit down, afraid he would fall over due to the sudden shock.  
Did Haise feel the same way about Tsukiyama Shuu? Should he turn him down? Could he feel that way about another man? Was he over exaggerating? Maybe he just thought it was a friendly dinner. In that case, he couldn’t dare to ask the man if he liked him. But what if Haise liked him? And even if he did, would Tsukiyama-san want to date someone whose career was shrouded in mystery all the time? Would he want to date a ghoul? He tried to shake off the emotion, as he put the last part of his dish on the oven as he went back into the living room.  
Tsukiyama was sitting there on the one empty couch, legs elegantly outstretched in front of him, surrounded by his teammates. He was softly chatting with Ginshi and Mustuki who had seemed to distance himself farther than he normally did from others. Haise found himself smiling. The scene just seemed so relaxing. He found himself thinking, ‘I could get used to this,’ but quickly nixed the idea as the redness returned to his face.  
“It will only be a few more minutes until dinner is ready.” Haise announced as soon as his face cooled to normal levels.  
“Thanks, Sasan!” Ginshi chimed in, then continued his conversation with Tsukiyama, whatever it was. It was at this point Mutsuki shot him an odd look, but he quickly dismissed it as he joined Tsukiyama on the couch. He sunk into conversation as he quickly forgot the hell he would have to go through in only a few more minutes.  
At the ding of his oven he quickly moved the kitchen area, and in only several minutes everything was on the counter awaiting for his teammates and Tsukiyama. He watched as each person took a bite, as he always did. But this time his eyes were on Tsukiyama. More than anything he wanted him to enjoy the meal he made. Not only as a sense of pride, but something deep inside him also just wanted to see the joy on his face.  
Just as he began to question why he felt this way, all questions were dispelled from his mind, as he was stared at a smiling Tsukiyama. The expression on his face was even more beautiful than he had ever seen him. “The food is wonderful Sasaki-san. Are you sure you are not a chef, instead of a CCG member?” He joked playfully. Haise felt himself blush as he thanked him. Suddenly, the smile faded from Tsukiyama’s face. “Is something wrong? You are not eating.” Mutsuki made a face at his comment. Ginshi stared at him with big eyes, as Urie shook his head, a smirk slowly spreading across his face, urging him to continue.  
“Ah, no.” Haise smiled, flustered as he picked up his fork, “I just love watching others eat.” It was not a complete lie, but in reality he was nervous about trying human food for the first time. Even so, he could not let Tsukiyama find out he was a ghoul. That would terrify any human. With pure determination he moved the fork up to his mouth. ‘It can’t be that bad, right? It looks good. I’m sure it’ll be fine-’  
His mental words of encouragement stopped immediately as the food went into his mouth. Instantly his gage reflex started. He had never tasted anything so awful in his life. It tasted like burnt garage mixed with moldy sponge. Instantly, without thinking, he spat his food out back onto his plate. His eyes widened as he looked up to the guest of his house begging an unknown entity that the man did not see that happen. Unfortunately, the man saw and was completely in shock. All his teammates were also watching, in a mix of sheer horror and amusement.  
Haise found himself laughing awkwardly as he rubbed the back of his neck. Despite his attempt to calm himself, he could still feel the redness on his face. “Sorry, the food on my plate was really hot.” Tsukiyama smiled at him as he commented that he hated when that happened, and went onto eating his food, his eyes still on Haise. He had no other choice but continue to eat the trash on his plate. He put the next bite in trying to brace himself, in hopes that would make it better. It didn’t. As he swallowed his first bite, the food passed through his thought like thick, lumpy, slime.  
‘If there is a god out there,’ he thought to himself, ‘please let me get through this night.’

Kanae  
“Scheiße,” he muttered as he rose himself once again from the dirt stained floor he never imagined he would be introduced to.  
Throwing up in a convenience store bathroom truly was not one of Kanae favorite pastimes. But if he vomited the disgrace humans called food at home, Master Shuu would question or, worse, worry. He could not make his master worry about someone like him, as much as he secretly wanted it. He cursed the situation as he raised himself up to the sink level to attempt to rinse out the waste that filled his mouth. It was not just his mouth that felt disgusting, as he stared in the mirror. Slowly as he stared at his reflection and the full picture of the events that happened tonight made him feel like a vile creature. The realization hit hard as he washed his mouth out for the umpteenth time, Kanae had basically gone a date with the man his master loved, but thought was dead. All along he realized what he was doing, but with the excitement of everything going to plan and the CCG scare the thought never came to mind. It’s all for the common good, that man is nothing but a heathen. Even his typical words of encouragement felt sallow, he found himself heaving helplessly once again.  
The walk home was a cold long one. His body felt completely drained, but he forced a smile as he reached for the door knob, ready to exclaim how great his night had gone with his lady. However, his fake smile instantly faded as the door creaked open. The darkness of the hallway revealed a horror in itself. As far as he could see the entirety of the house was rampaged.  
“MASTER SHUU?” He never thought he could yell that loud as he flew into the house, forgetting his aching thought and lack of energy. The open door was overlooked as he bolted through the house. “MASTER SHUU WHERE ARE YOU?” His mind raced. Had someone came in and hurt his master in his weak period? Had this all been a ploy for the CCG to get the ‘gourmet’? Had he failed his master in hopes to help him?  
As he slid into the parlor his fear had terminated but a familiar emotion began. In a darkened corner, his Master sat motionless in a chair surrounded by nothing but the ruins of trashed books, music sheets, glass, and other indecipherable pieces of literature. However, he could make out the book pages of the Hanged Man McGuffin and several Beethoven music sheets at his feet. The only light to shine on him was the light of the outside moon. The entire scene was hauntingly beautiful. Kanae cautiously took steps forward as he reached out towards the other man with his voice. “Master Shuu, I thought something awful happened to you. What happened?” There was no reply.  
“Master Shuu… is something wrong?” After his second question, Tsukiyama rose his head. In the dark he could barely see the tears as they slowly ran down his face. Kanae quickly moved to his side, shifting down onto one of his knees as he had done many times within the service of the Tsukiyama household. “Please tell me, what can I do? What can I do to help you? Please, I’ll do anything.” The other man still did not respond, only staring at the place he had been staring previously. All the tact Kanae had left him as he begged and pulled on his master rumpled clothing, “Please. Master. Just talk to me. What can I do for you? What is wrong? How can I help?”  
“Kanae.” He finally spoke. As his name left his mouth, it sounded empty, like the wind blowing through a lone tree. Silently, Kanae urged him to continue. “I don’t know who I am. The person I was, he is lost. He too was slaughtered, yet everything he felt just before death remains.”  
While Kanae had seen Tsukiyama’s depression ebb and flow, he had never seen him this bad. His mouth went dry as he forced out, “We will find him again. We will overall come this. Together. It will be okay. Everything will be okay. Just… Just give me time.” Tsukiyama shook his head, giving him a sorrowful smile.  
“I am what everyone has thought of me all along, I am the type of person I always tried desperately not to be. I am wasted space.”  
At this point Kanae was standing. Desperately he pulled on Tsukiyama’s shoulders, shaking him lightly as if he were trying to wake him from a horrible nightmare. “No. No you aren’t. You are so much more than that. You are the person I always wished I could be. Please do not talk about yourself like that. Let me show you how I see you. Let me show you how wonderful you are. I will do anything you want me to do.”  
Tsukiyama drew in a breath. Slowly with a weak hand the man grabbed Kanae by the wrist, moving his hand down to the middle of his chest. Staring right into his eyes the man whispered, “Then kill me. Put me out of this vicious cycle.” No longer able to keep up a face, tears began to brim out of his own eyes.  
“I can’t.” Tsukiyama only pushed on his arm even harder into his chest.  
“That’s an order.”  
“No. I can’t.” Kanae cried.  
“Why not?” The man asked as he tightened his grip on Kanae’s wrist.  
Kanae did not know what he was thinking, the movement was sudden. Perhaps he was not thinking at all. After all, he knew in most situation this would be the farthest thing from the best action to do, but his emotions overcame him like never before. With a swift motion he pulled Tsukiyama towards him. His lips touched against the other man’s lips, a gesture he had dreamed about for so long. As he leaned into the kiss, the grip on his arm loosened until it fell to the side. When he finally released the other man’s lips from his own he leaned to the man’s ear.  
“Why?” He breathed out. “Because I love you.”  
Tsukiyama moved back in his seat at the reveal of these emotions, as if surprised or repulsed, Kanae was not sure. Too afraid to look at the man’s face for a reaction Kanae instantly flinched away, wrapping his arms around himself as if he was in emotional defense mode. Without looking at his Master words, just spewed out of his mouth. “I’m so sorry. That was inappropriate of me. I didn’t think about your feelings. I just… I just wanted you to feel loved and I was overcome by emotions and I…. I will never do it again. Just please don’t kick me out, I want to serve you. I just-” His words stopped as Tsukiyama reached out to touch his arm.  
Kanae finally allowed himself to gaze up at the man. The man just gazed down at him. There was so much emotion in his eyes that it was hard for the butler to pinpoint exactly what emotion Tsukiyama wore. The easiest way to describe it was tired.  
After a second after staring at each other, Tsukiyama stood up. His hand grazed Kanae’s shoulder as he walked past him. He stopped momentarily just before he was out of reach. Gripping a little harder he released a few seconds later. A single word left his mouth, “Kanae….” Kanae awaited for words that never came, as he watched the man leave the room. Unsure of himself, he followed behind like a lost puppy.  
Tsukiyama led him into his room, by the time Kanae entered, the man was already in bed, fully clothed.  
“Don’t you think you should change, Master?” His question warranted no answer. Without hesitation he sat in one of the chairs across his Master’s room. He curled up the best he could in it, not taking an eye off Tsukiyama.  
After several minutes of watching Tsukiyama, closing his eyes, then slowly opening them to stare back at him and repeating this pattern again he heard the man mutter something. “Kanae… what are you doing?”  
“I… didn’t want anything to happen to you. So, I thought I’d watch over you tonight. I just wanted to be here in case you needed anything.” Kanae said this with complete resolve. There was no way he would leave his Master’s side tonight, even though he had never been as embarrassed or uncomfortable in his life. He heard his Master let out a sigh as he closed his eyes once more. With that Kanae closed his eyes too, attempting his best to adjust himself in the chair once more.  
Several minutes past again, until Tsukiyama murmured, “I’m not letting you sleep in that chair. Come.” The words were almost commanded. Kanae opened his eyes confused, and cocked his head to the side. “I’m sorry?” Was the man really saying what he thought he was saying?  
Shifting over in the bed, Tsukiyama pulled the blankets open and gestured to him. “Come. If you stay there looking uncomfortable all night I won’t be able to sleep.” Kanae still unsure of himself slowly pushed himself out of the chair. Slowly he made his way across the room. Biting his lip and looking to the floor he let out a whisper, “Are…. You sure?” He heard a pat on the bed. Trying his best to hide a smile he climbed into bed with his Master. “Thank you, Master Shuu.”  
His bed was Kanae’s definition of heaven, as Tsukiyama moved closer to him due to the limited amount of space. He could feel himself blushing as he looked at Tsukiyama’s sleeping face, so close to his. Had Tsukiyama really felt guilty about him sleeping over there or was this him accepting his feelings? At this point Kanae didn’t really care, as he was able to lay close the man he loved for years that he could feel his body heat.  
He was convinced that nothing could ruin this moment for him. Just as this thought crossed his mind he heard the man he loved mutter, “How nostalgic. You smell just like him.”  
Haise  
He wanted to take back everything he had ever said about human food after finding himself vomiting on and off for the last two hours. Exhausted he leaned over his desk in his room looking over the files Akira gave him only a few days ago. The door was left open, as Mutsuki voiced his concern and continued to come and go out of the room to make sure he was “okay”. He replied the same way every time, a smile and the remark “I’m just tired.” Tonight had been a victory, despite the end of it, for Tsukiyama still did not know he was a ghoul. He had hidden it from him.  
However, ever since he had left, a part of him felt odd. Something did not feel right. For the first hour, he had convinced himself, as he continued to try and convince Mutsuki that he was only tired. But as time went and he dove into work, he realized this was far from truth.  
He felt himself mutter something softly as he glanced over the name ‘The Gourmet’. Shocked at his involuntary muttering he sat back in his seat and questioned to himself, “What does that mean? 1000-7.... 993... 986.” He shook it off quickly and went back to his work, despite his head aching. Was this number important? He searched his memory, looking for a meaning only to find nothing. “979. 970. 983.”But the more he read the file on the Gourmet the more frantic these numbers came out of his mouth.  
His thoughts were interrupted as he heard behind him, “Urie-san? What are you doing?” Haise turned around to see Urie standing there motionless at the door for several seconds before turn away and muttering, “Absolutely nothing.”


	5. A Storm is Coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanae will do anything to keep Tsukiyama alive and well. Even if it means hurting Haise in the process.

Kanae  
Despite the turmoil of last night, nothing made Kanae as happy as the moment he awoke early in the morning to find Tsukiyama next to him. In fact, he was so happy he could almost cry. There was literally nothing in the world like waking up the Master Shuu’s face. The man looked innocent as he slept, almost like an angel, and this was his heaven. The smell of the man, the weight of his arm carelessly thrown over him, and the heat of his skin was almost too much for him to bear. As happy as he was, and as much as he wanted to stay in this position forever just staring at his face, the younger man knew that his master wished for another man in his bed. Even as he slept, Kanae was sure he was the one he was dreaming about. The moment was bittersweet. It is not heaven, it is rattling at gates of heaven praying that a miracle will happen and the doors would swing open.  
He leaned in closer to the sleeping man, taking in his scent. It was intoxicating. He let out a sad smile. Shuu, my heart in on the line, open up your gates. I want to be taken over by your light. As much as he wanted to he knew he could not stay like this. Even so he felt himself hesitate to get out of bed. This could be the last time he would ever lay beside the older man. Turning over to his back he did his best to motivate himself out of bed. Careful not to wake his Master, he lifted Tsukiyama’s arm off him and slid out of bed. With that, he tiptoed out of the room.  
As much as the man did not want to, Kanae had to leave again today. He could just not let a moment with Haise go by, not after he was starting to make such great progress. In the back of his mind he felt himself question his motives for leaving this afternoon. Was it really for the progression of his plot or for other reasons? He quickly dismissed the thought as he prepared himself to get ready for his day and to clean up the house the best he could in a short period if time. Luckily, clean up was easier than it had looked the night before. Before leaving, the man left a note on the side of Tsukyama’s bed. He paused before leaving his bedroom.  
“Master Shuu.” He whispered, “I love you, more than anyone else could.”

When he got to the café it was more crowded than usual, however his spot was open. He smiled towards Sayuri, knowing it was her who kept his spot free and in pristine condition. She blushingly smiled back at him, bowing her head in greeting.  
“Looking beautiful as always, Kleines.” He called to her as he took his typical seat.  
For once, she called back. “Thank you, sir!” Coming up to his table, she took a glance back towards her other workers. She brought her arm down in a certain motion, as if signaling something to the girls, and they all giggled as she moved to him. Brazenly, she took the seat across him. “I…I hope you don’t see me as blunt,” she reached into her pocket, “but this letter… I wrote it for you. Please read it…” she glanced around face reddening fast, “when you are alone.” With that she got up and fled, like a little rabbit leaving a red envelop on his table he scoffed. And just when she was finally getting courageous. He picked up the envelop, it felt heavy in his hands as he turned it over. A heart held the letter shut. A love letter. Joyous. As he fingered the envelop he heard the bell of the door opening, instantly his eyes shot to the door, expecting Haise.  
However, the one entering the door was the least he expected, one of the CCG members from Haise’s house last night. What is he doing here? Kanae slouched in the chair hoping that perhaps he could blend in the crowd. Luckily it seemed as if the man did not see him as he took a table behind a small divider, directly next to his table. Not long after he came in, the little mouse followed, joining his quickly at the table. Of course she is behind his presence. He slid down in his chair as he acted as if he was stuffing his nose in the book. He could not be noticed, he strained his ears as he listened closely for their conversation.  
“So what can I do for you? I didn’t expect you to call me so soon.” Chie’s voice rang loud over the divider.  
He heard the man sigh. “I need information on someone.” Who did he need information on? Was it a coincidence that the man looked for information directly after his visit last night? He feared not. He heard a pound on the other side of the wall. Kanae imagined Chie had pounded on the table, it seemed so like her to do something that savage. “Remember for MY information, you owe me something as well. Do you have something that would perhaps interest me?”  
There was a long pause in the voices that were just barely out of sight. Then slowly the man replied. “There was something….. Yesterday-“there was a brief pause in the conversation as the man lowered his voice. Kanae had to lean in closer to hear exactly what was being said, “Haise, my boss is working on a case. I heard him muttering last night, something about the ghoul. He was acting really odd. I think it has something to do… with his past.” Chie stated silent for several minutes before responding. Perhaps the boy had taken her by shock, for she voiced her next few words in a precise and calculating fashion, which was so unlike her.  
“Did you catch word of this ghoul’s name?”  
The man answered in complete certainty, “The Gourmet.” Kanae instantly felt sick to his stomach. The man he was attempting to attract and kill was looking for the man he was pretending to be. The man he loved. That couldn’t be. While this was grave news the words that came out of the man’s mouth next he was not prepared for.   
“Now that you have got your damn information you owe me some as well. I ran into a very suspicious man recently.” She must have nodded in agreement because he continued, “I need information on a man called Tsukiyama Shuu.” He heard Chie agree on the other side of the wall, giving him some time limit or another. However, by this point Kanae was too panicked to hear her words.  
Now Kanae felt as though he was going to throw up. What the fuck am I going to do? The questions rushed through his head like a stream that was overflowing. The words were destructive and tearing through every bit of courage he had stored up in that little heart of his. Was he going to end up failing even after so much effort? He found himself shaking his head. No. He could not just give up after all this time he had put in. Instantly, he went to work. He watched closely for Chie to leave, still slumped in his chair, he motioned Sayuri over. Handing her a letter he had written on a napkin he whispers in her ear, “Give this to the man on the other side of the divider. Also, tell the man I normally sit with that I something that came up and I had to go. If you do, and do not tell him where you got it from, there just might be something in it for you.” The girl backed away, face redder and smile wider than he had even seen it. With that comment she nodded and sped off to give the man the note and he took his leave from the café. Stupid girl. If only she knew the deed she just did.

Tsukiyama  
The sun rose the next morning, something Tsukiyama was almost set on not happening the previous night. As he lifted himself from bed he felt the pain. However, he arose not disappointed in the fact he was alive, but confused by the events that occurred only hours previously. While Tsukiyama had always known his servant loved him, he had always assumed it was a master/butler relationship. How long had he been oblivious to the true love Kanae felt? How many times had he hurt him with comments about his love of Kaneki? How many times had he been ignorant enough to make a remark that later made one of his last companions cry? He shuddered at the fact, he knew the answer too many of these questions: for too long, and too many times.   
Seconds later another question popped in his head. And, how many times had he left him when Kanae was expecting him to come home? He felt ashamed to have gotten so angry several night when Kanae was late. At least Kanae had come home, but he could not say the same about himself. Perhaps it was time for Tsukiyama to apologize for that, and get down to the bottom of the rest of his questions. Thankfully, as seemed usual these days, Kanae had left a note that he would be gone awhile. This gave him time to prepare.

By the time he heard the front door open rooms away, he was lighting the last candle on the dimly-lit room. As he straightened up and turned towards the door, he felt his mouth smirk a bit. Even though he was not feeling the greatest this day, he anticipated to see the look on his butler’s face when he walked into the room not only to see a suit clad Tsukiyama, and a candle lit dinner. After all, it was as much as he could do after the man calmed him down last night, showed him that he was loved by someone, and cleaned up his mess from last night.  
“Master Shuu? Where are you?” Kanae’s confused tone came from down the hall. He had obviously been surprised not to find him in his bed. Not wanting to cause any further distress, Tsukiyama called back to him, “I’m in the dining room.” He heard rushed footsteps towards the door, only to see the swinging door fly open moments later.  
“Welcome home, Master Rosewald.” He went into a deep bow. As he rose, he glanced towards Kanae’s face. The man had a flushed, puzzled look on his face. His hand was clenching onto his chest as if the astounding scene in front of him was going to kill him. In the other hand, a bouquet of purple hyacinth dangled at risk of being dropped due to pure shock. Tsukiyama stifled a smile at the flowers before commenting. “Today, I have prepared you a dinner, please enjoy it. It is my specialty after all. And perhaps while we dine, we can have a serious conversation.”  
“Master Shuu.” He shook his head, eyes wide, absolutely flabbergasted. “Pl-… Please don’t tell me you went out of the way to do all this for me.” His reactions were cute, he was as delicate as the flower of love.  
“All for the best servant I have ever had.” He smiled, as he pulled out the chair for his butler. He widely gestured for the man to sit, “Mon Ami, please sit, then we can discuss the flowers and our little situation last night.” Instantly a blush flooded to the younger man’s face. Tsukiyama never noticed how easy it was to make Kanae emotional, it was almost energizing.  
“You should not have done something like this, not for someone like me.” Despite the embarrassed look on his face, Tsukiyama could tell the man was hiding a smile. Was this perhaps the only time anyone had done something like this for him? Quickly he decided that was likely, unless ‘Sayuri’ had done so at some time recently. Even, so Tsukiyama was not going to take his stubbornness, leaning on the top of the chair he eyed the other man. He pulled out the most flirtatious smile he could muster as he said, “Are you really going to deny all the work I have done for you?” Gesturing to his outfit he held out his hand towards Kanae, “I even dressed up for you, come.”  
“Yes, sir…. If… you insist.” By this point there were tears in his eyes. Tsukiyama had never made someone so happy they cried before. A part of him relished the look of embarrassment and sheer joy on his face as he pulled out Kanae’s chair to sit down. Clumsily he sat down in the chair. As Tsukiyama pushed his chair in, Kanae shot him an unsure glance. He smiled down and couldn’t help but think, ‘he’s cute when he is all skittish. Almost like a princess in waiting’. Slightly uncomfortable by this thought, Tsukiyama did the best to banish the thought as he sat on the opposite side of the table.  
Taking several breaths, and after taking a small portion of the food that was on the table, Tsukiyama looked to the man across the table. “Kanae, let me ask you bluntly: How long?” The man’s checks reddened and he looked more innocent than he had ever noticed him being.  
Letting out a sheepish smile, he cocked his head. “I’m not sure I understand your question, Master Shuu.” He’s words were slow and precisely selected, as if he were walking on a thin line of life and death. Leaning over the table, he peered directly into his eyes. He’d get the man to speak.  
“You understand exactly what I mean. If you don’t however, I’m sure I can show you.” He bit his lip for emphasis. It had been forever since he had acted seductively with anyone, but it was a habit that was not easily thwarted. It felt like him putting on an old and favorite suit jacket. He’d be lying if he said he did not enough a nice flirtatious conversation, especially when the other was so receptive. On top of that, he knew this was the easiest way to get the answer. Kanae, while stubborn, turned into butter if manipulated correctly.  
Instantly, Kanae tried to avert his eyes. But Tsukiyama noticed his frequent glances back, he could not keep his eyes off him. At this point, the man knew he had him. Kanae bit his lip as he casted one more unsure glance back at him. With that last look he stared down at his lap. “If you insist, Master.”  
Making sure his voice sounded like liquid gold, he said, “I don’t insist as a Master, I ask, as a man. As of right now you are not a butler, and I am Tsukiyama-san, not Master.”   
“Yes, Master Sh-, I mean Tsukiyama-san.” Fiddling with his hand Kanae slowly began his story. “Do you remember… when I came over from Germany?” Tsukiyama nodded, doing his best to urge the man on. “I was scared and depressed. I thought… I’d never experience happiness again. I thought I’d never see the light that I never noticed I had before. My family dead. My life gone. Even my own name. News that I would have to get rid of my pampered life….and be someone’s butler? It was hell.” Kanae casted an apologetic look, as he took a deep breath. A small smile covered his face, beneath his blushing cheeks. “Then I saw you. I saw you play the piano. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever witnessed. It was that moment that I realized that I was not plunging into hell: I was escaping to heaven. You…. You were my savior.…“ He paused a moment unsure of himself once again. “At first I thought that I just really looked up to you. That I wanted to be you. But the more I thought about it, and the older I got… I realized that was not true. Tsukiyama-san, I loved you from that moment I first saw you.”  
Tsukiyama was a bit taken back by these words. He knew that the man had likely liked him for quite some time…. But for nine years? Staring at the man he smiled. He could not help but think, ‘this could work to my benefit.’ But before he could try to morph this situation into a way to best fit him he first had to clear the air of his last hanging question, and with complete poise.   
“Ah, Kanae. Calmato. I am flattered by your words.” Leaning back in his chair he gazed at the other man. “As…. I am sure you realize, you have now become my angel. You have saved me from my own demise.” The man realized that his words were a bit dramatic, but that was what he always did best. On top of that, he knew that if he reacted that way, Kanae would react similarly, but in ten-fold.  
And boy was he correct. The man stared at him, face completely red, hand over his chest, and eye widened as if he had never heard anything more shocking in his life. Biting his lip, Kanae nervously grabbed ran his fingers through his hair. “That is very kind of you to say. I do the best I can for you, as your butler.” With that, Tsukiyama graceful rose from his seat, slowly walking over to his butler. He felt Kanae’s eyes following his body with each step. Upon finally reaching his seat, he motioned for Kanae to turn his body towards him. The man complied, as always.  
He kneeled down before him. Instantly the other man attempted to get him to raise from the floor, but Tsukiyama refused to budge. In the back of his mind he heard a voice echo. A voice that called to him, asking if he wanted to lose the only person he had left in the world. The answer ‘no’ resonated heavily within himself. He would do ANYTHING to keep the man by his side, even if it were all a lie. He was all he had. This time as Kanae reached out for him to get up off his knees he grabbed his hand. His hands were warm in his cold ones. “Do you want to be more than that, my little one? More than a butler?” Kanae finally stopped moving, and struggling to get him back on his feet.  
“Mast-….Tsukiyama-san… what do you mean by these words?”  
“Do you want to perhaps see where this relationship may take us?” The words fell smoothly out of his mouth. He had to admit, this was not the first time he had used that very line on another person. This line almost always ended in profit. Kanae’s mouth hung open, in complete shock.  
“T-Tsukiyama-san? Do… do you really mean that?” Tsukiyama had to stifle his smile. The stuttering was too cute, so unlike the man sitting before him. “I do.” The purple haired man drew his hand away, positioning himself back onto his feet. “However, I must know one the answer to one question before we make any hasty decisions.” Kanae nodded as if his life depended on this very question. “Do you regret it?”  
The man shook his head. His eyes now showing confusion. “Regret what, Tsukiyama-san?”  
To emphasize his words, he grabbed the flowers that had been set on the table when Kanae had made his entrance. “Last night? Your flowers? You are apologizing. If you truly meant your words, your emotions, and your love, why bring me back such a bouquet?” Instantly, Kanae’s face faded from complete happiness to a face of ashamed. The butler did his best to deny the flowers, saying he just thought they were pretty. Tsukiyama gave him a stern look. “Dear Kanae,” he leaned forward and grabbed his chin lightly. “I know I taught you better than that. Tell me the truth.”  
“I….. just thought you would be mad at me. I was…going to pretend that last night meant nothing, no matter what I felt I wanted you to feel comfortable. I would deny my love if it would make you happy.” Even knowing the loyalty took him by shock. A part of him was excited by this trait, because it meant that it was not likely he would leave him, as he feared. Even for that Sayuri girl, whomever she may be. He knew eventually he’d have to ask about her, but now was not the time.  
Releasing his chin, he took a step back and motioned the boy to stand up. As soon as he did, he took him into an embrace. “I’m glad to hear that. As I feared that this may have been for nothing.” Leaning in closer to his ear he whispered, “Do not ever lie to me again.” With that he gave him one last smile and a ruffle of the hair. “Join me again, in my bed tonight.” With that he left the room.  
‘Shuu, I know you don’t love him now, but perhaps… if you try, he will eventually erase all the feelings you have ever held for Kaneki Ken.’ Even thinking the name still hurt, and thinking about trading his love in and cashing it out on someone else felt even worse. But he had to do it, he reminded himself. He could not lose the only person who he had left. The only person who truly loved him.

Kanae  
In his quarters, Kanae donned on the black hoodie he had bought earlier in the day. Looking in his small full length mirror he clinked his tongue at his own reflection. Why would anyone wear something like this? So tacky. Picking up a makeshift mask, he put it on. Looking in the mirror, he revered in the fact he did not look anything like he normally would. He did not want to be recognized by this CCG scum. He could not even wear his own mask and had to dress in this dreadfully colored piece of cloth that some people actually thought of as clothing.  
He began to walk out of his room as he thought, ‘the things he had to do to keep this plan intact.’ All for his Master. That made him stop in his tracks, the door in his hands. But… his master was finally being attentive. Should he really continue toying with Haise? But a part of him wanted to still see Haise. He was a peculiar thing. One with a hidden charisma, he had to say.  
“No. You do not want to see Haise. You want to destroy him.” He murmured to himself. Even if Tsukiyama was finally attending to him, and he got to sleep in his bed this very night (the thought made him flush completely red), he could not let there be any chance of Haise to be his. Imagining Haise and Tsukiyama only made him incredibly jealous, even more than originally did. He did not give himself time to question why this was happening as he shoved a knife into his pocket. He snuck out of the house, hoping to make sure his Master did not notice him.  
Walking to the place where Kanae had written in the note many thoughts flew through his head. ‘Remember to change your voice’, ‘ don’t use you kagune’, ‘don’t use your name’, the list went on and on of how many don’ts. But the last few were the most important. ‘Don’t let him find Tsukiyama, and don’t die tonight.’ There was a man waiting for him to warm his bed, he could not leave him alone. The thought made him blush as he finally rounded the corner to an abandoned construction site. He made sure it would be a place that no one would come lurking, at least not at 10 o’clock at night. Kanae did not want to have to take an innocent person’s life if they had not redeeming qualities in the means of food.  
The younger boy was already standing there as he came across the last corner. Instantly, as the kid saw him, demands fell out of his mouth. “What do you know about the Gourmet? I have things to do.” Impatient, arrogant bastard.   
Shifting his voice in the best way he could he answered, “Patience, my young one. I have answers, but I need answers as well.” He heard the kid mutter under his breath, ‘another one of these prying assholes?’ Kanae had to hold himself back from ripping the CCG member’s throat out. He could not be more relieved that the boy had not talked this much at the dinner or else he would have left with even more of headache. “Why is your boss looking for The Gourmet?”  
“No idea.” The man’s eyes looked bored. “It’s not an assault mission. ‘Else we’d know about it. It was secretly assigned to him.” The words the younger man spoke were curious. Why would he be looking for the gourmet without the full intent of killing him? Had they finally thought the man died? After all he had disappeared from all the districts for three years. This was reassuring news. But … there was something off about this situation.  
“What is it that you seek? Why did you come and not pass the note to your boss?” The kid looked at him, a disgusted look on his face. He let out a huff and shoved his shoulder towards him, as if motioning to Kanae that he had no business asking such questions. The boy did not answer beyond that other than a brief ‘no reason.’  
“Now tell me what you know.”   
Walking closer, Kanae smiled. At this point he was standing comfortably close to the other man. So close he could smell the sweat of him. He walked just slightly past him. The two men were back to back as Kanae answered. “Sure. Let me tell you ALL I KNOW.” With that, Kanae threw an elbow directly into the other man’s spine. Urie whipped around, nimble despite the punch, as Kanae had expected. Kanae had quicker reflexes, unlike the CCG member. As the man had turned, he received another punch to the nose. It seemed as though this did not phase as the man, as he hit Kanae back. The punch to the stomach almost sent him to the ground.   
The kid was strong, he had to make sure to be more careful and to avoid any more strikes. You can do this. You have not fought without your kagune in a long time, but you have had so much training. He reminded himself as he stepped back on one foot. After seconds he was off again. The fight was a flurry of movement, a dangerous dance of life or death. Luckily for Kanae, the other man put too much power in his swings. Not only was his precision off, but he was always too slow. Kanae would hit a blow, pull out, and repeat. This pattern continued for several minutes until Kanae was caught off guard. A punch hitting his in the ear, knocked Kanae to the ground.  
Before Kanae could pull himself off the ground, Urie was over top of him, blood dripping from his face down on the man. Without a warning, the dark haired man shoved his foot into Kanae’s stomach. All the breath Kanae had in him was instantly gone with the man’s weight. Instantly he filled with dread. Was someone like this prick going to be the one to kill him? No… he couldn’t. Tsukiyama had invited him willingly into his bed tonight, he could not die, not now. Not after all this work. He struggled to breathe as the man bent down to whisper to him. “Tell me about The Gourmet.”  
Kanae took his free hand and wiped off the man’s blood from his face. “I’ll tell you one fact about the gourmet. The Gourmet is a man you will never know.” With those words spoke, he took the knife out of his pocket, quickly jabbing it into the other man’s leg. The other flinched away with the wound enough that Kanae was about to wiggle himself out of the grip and find himself on his feet once more. The staggering of the other man gave Kanae the upper hand as he slammed him hard against a nearby wall. “You’ll be lucky if you ever can even say ‘The Gourmet’s’ name again.” Kanae hissed holding the other man’s neck tightly in one hand, “I don’t know the hell you were trying to do, coming out here, but I promise you, it won’t happen.” Moving his hand with his victim slightly towards him, he slammed the CCG member one more time against the wall. The man fell limp in his hands.   
Kanae dropped him, letting him slump on the ground. Kneeling down, Kanae took his face in his hands. “I know you can’t hear me, but you should be damn thankful I am keeping you alive. That is if you call a coma living.” Bounding back up, he sent a kick to the CCG members head, making sure his brain stem hit the wall in just the right way. The boy was not waking up any time soon, Kanae was sure of it.  
Haise  
The call came shrilling out in the quiet of his home. Haise had been working on the Gourmet case, and been so concentrated he felt himself jump at the familiar sound of his ringtone. While that had slightly frightened him, he had not been prepared for the news on the other end. Now, even standing in the hospital in front of Urie Kuki’s bed with his other members around him, he was still in a complete state of shock. His other teammates seemed unnerved by the situation too.   
The doctors said it would be awhile before he awoke, if he did at all. The last statement chilled him to the bone. How could he have let something like this happen to his own member? He was his leader? Was he truly that incompetent? As these thoughts encompassed him, he was brought back to reality by a calm voice.  
“Haise. Please speak to me in the hall.” Akira. The only person who could stay calm in a tragedy. He followed her orders, almost automatically, leaving the rest of his team in his room. He did not say a word as he looked towards his superior. “The doctors said there was no trace of any ghoul markings.” She peer passed him, looking in at the man who appeared to only be sleeping. “But this seems odd. No one would take him down so easily.” Haise nodded. Her words were true. Urie, while sometimes unruly, was one of the strongest fighters in his group. There was no way a simple robber could have taken him down. On top of that, the wound on his ankle was bizarre.   
Akira’s eyes slowly fell from the boy’s face and out a window nearby them. She spoke without setting another gaze on him. Her words were slow and concise. “Haise. Be on your guard. A storm is coming.”


End file.
